As I sit here at work, waiting for ten minutes to go by for the tape I'm dubbing to finish, I begin to think about my future. It looks bleak with the possiblity of what could come to be. I am currently on finacial aid cancelation, which means: No money for school. I've sent in my appeal letter and took the steps I needed to take, and now all that is left is waiting. Waiting, somthing I'm not too good at doing. There is only two posiblities that could come from the desicion that is not made by me: Either I get finacial aid, or I don't. It's just that simple. Even though it's that simple, it still has me conserned. If I don't get my aid, I'm probably gonna have to leave school and stuff, which would be very devistating. However, if I do get my aid, I can continue school, get good grades, letter in two or three sports, become the head cheerleader, the cheif editor of the school paper, student body president, the possiblities are endless. Well, not really. I can, however, continue to be lord and master of my own room, and continue to do a few things I really need and want to do. There isn't much for me to do, but make the most of the here and now and try not to worry about what may come.

You may be Illin' but Your Friends are Chillin'

I've always been the type of person willing to do or help others whith whatever they needed. I really enjoy doing such things, however the tables were turned on me this evening. It's such a strange feeling having the right shoe on the left foot. Well anyway I recently became ill. It kinda started New Years Eve evening. Well anyway I took it easy Monday. Tuesday I woke up unable to breathe throug my nose, and with a sore throat. I called of work and took it easy the rest of the day. By evening time on Tuesday I felt quite a bit better, but emailed off work for one more day just to make sure things were better. Well I woke up today (or yesterday as it is technically 1:30am Thursday) feeling much worse than I did Tuesday. As soon as I was able to sit for any length of time, I emailed off work for the rest of the week, something I really didn't want to do. However, I knew it was for the best. Well I either sat around or slept for 30min at a time. Wasn't a fun day. Well anyway, by the time 8:30ish rolled around, I had enough of not being able to breath or taste anything. I did something I normally wouldn't do. Being truckless, I called Jeff to make a run to the store for me. I told him I wouldn't be going cus I was being selfish and wanted to keep whatever I have to myself. He of course agreed as he needed stuff too. So I made him a list and he came and got it. He returned with the medication I requested earlier.

So? What's the big deal? These are questions you made be asking. Well as I said earlier. I always like being the one to help out, or do things for others. In fact, I get down when I'm not called to help. I am not used to calling on others for help. I regreted doing so, but I wanted relief and was out of options. Jeff was more than willing to help, and I was glad.

The moral here is sometimes you need to let people help you when you need it.

(If any of this sounds not good or incoherent, it's not meant to be. I was writing under the influence of NyQuil)

Later All!
Dale

A Blog Entery of a Different Color

Back in the day, (yes, I am old enuff to have a back in the day) I used to write. I would write to escape the doldrums of my boring childhood. For this blog entry, I've decided to share a few of the poems/song lyrics I wrote then. Actually I'm just blogging so Hal doesn't have to resurect me from the dead blog list again. Well here they are.

Graduation

I want to laugh and cry,
Because we must say, "Goodbye."
We’ve been together for so long.
But we must go, they’re playing our song.
As we walk down the Isle,
We think just for awhile,
Over the past school life we’ve had,
Some good some bad some sad.
We will treasure this moments in our hearts,
Even though it is the reason we must part.
Please forgive me if I shed a tear,
For this has been our senior year.

True Love

I’ll remember to this day,
The night she went away,
How it broke me up inside,
So bad, I wanted to cry.

With tears falling from her eyes,
We said our sad goodbyes.
And when she turned to board her plane,
She left me, shouting in vain.

Laura, when you’re out there,
Remember I’ll always care.
You gave me your heart on this night,
And I’ll forever hold it tight.
As for my tears, I will hide,
Until you’re by my side.
When In my arms, you I hold,
Forever as we grow old.

College called her away,
But here she wanted to stay.
She asked me what she should do.
Said, “Go, love will see us through!”

Laura, if you’re out there,
Remember I’ll always care.
You gave me your heart on this night,
And I’ll forever hold it tight.
As for my tears, I will hide,
Until you’re by my side.
When In my arms, you I hold,
Forever as we grow old.

When school was out, she came back to me.
I’d thought she’d be just a memory.
If love is true, it’ll forever bind,
Two hearts together ‘til the end of time.

You Want To Know

You want to know if what you feel,
When you gently caress my face,
As I hold you in my warm embrace,
Is sincerely real.

Girl, all I know,
If to me you’ve been true,
As I have with you,
Then the flame of love will grow.

I know in your mind there’s doubt,
And you’re scared down deep inside,
But if in me you do confide,
There’s nothing we can’t work out.

For love to be, it must be true,
A relationship built on trust.
Not one clouded with lust.
That’s while I’ll be true to you.

Marriage

On this special day your life begins anew,
One heart arises from where there once was two.
Promising your vows, you pledge to be,
Together for all eternity.

Take these words that I say to you:
To each other always be true,
Never suppress or try to concel,
What you may truly feel.

Take these words, keep them near your heart.
Use them faithfully, and ye shall never part.
Your life together will now begin,
Always and forever, true love knows no end.

Well there they are. I have more, but I'll save them for later when I need to blog again but not in the mood.

Later,
Dale

Selfishness or Selflessness?

Well darn, I've given into peer pressure and decided to write another blog entry. Curse my weak individulalitiness. Well as most of you know I've had a very rough summer. It was an uphill battle for me to enroll and register at UIS. After asking God what he would have me do, a week later I got my I-card. A battle won, not the war. More is still to come.
Besides the yearning to continue my education, there was another reason, kind of a selfish one, that I wanted to stay. I forsaw that if I was to leave, I would fall back into old patterns and habits that I'm not very proud of. I knew I was not ready to stand on my own yet. I needed the face to face support of the family I have come to know.
This semester in CSF, we are running with the notion of community. So the question that has been wondering around aimlessly in my vast empty head (yes you may laugh, I am) is: If we are working towards bringing God to the community, is my wanting to stay to keep me from going astray shelfish, OR Will my pursuit to become stronger in my faith, in turn, alow me to better serve the community?

A Place for . . . Everyone

Look at me, here I am
Right where I belong
I see that face coming back to me
Like an old familiar song.
What better place could anyone be?
Cause you're here with me!
It's all I've been looking for
And so much more!
And now I'm here
Now you're here!
Nothing can go wrong, Cause I am here right where I belong!
(The Muppets Take Manhattan, 1984)

Why do I quote the Muppets? What wisdom can be gained from a green frog and a blue weirdo? Is there truly a place where everyone belongs? All these questions have different answers, however, they all have something in common. The answers all depend on your perspective, your thoughts, and what lies in your heart. So what does this have to do with me? EVERYTHING.
Let us start from the beginning. No, not back to the point when I was born. That's too far back. No back about 20 years will suffice. I was 8 years old and was in a Lutheran school, getting the foundations of my life established. Little did I know that this would be my last year (but I would be back) at this institution. I left for about three years to attend public school, and falling slightly out of touch with the Lord. Then I was allowed to go back to the lutheran school and pick up my pursuit of the Lord and the teachings. Then it happened when I was 12ish, my stuff was packed up and I was moved to Coffeen from Bethalto, unknowing that this would start the separation from the Lord. I still prayed, occasionally, but nothing serious any more. I still tried to go to a good friend's of mine youth group, however, I was not really allowed to do any extra stuff besides school and home (later I found out why but that's a different story). Then after a fight with my step dad (my mother's 4th husband) about a month after my 17th birthday, I was shipped to live with my Grandparents in Bethalto. Knowing what I know now, I should have started going back to the church I grew up with, but alas I didn't. Yet another wedge in the ever increasing seperation between me and the Good Lord. After finishing the last 3/4ths of my Senior year of high school, I went off to college (SIU-E which I refer to as college part I). During the 2.5 years I attended, I developed Depression and went on to flunk out. My life was turning out to be a mess. Well having flunked out and developing a Why Bother attitude, I went to live with my Grandparents yet again. This time I move to Coffeen where they had moved. While there I helped my Grandfather finish the house he built my Grandmother. While there I started to get my physical life in order by working out. I was planning to go to the military, Air Force branch. Needless to say I didn't make it. However what did happen is I got a job as manager at the fitness center I worked out in. Everything was fine, until my Grandfather passed away with pancreatic cancer. This sent me deeper in to depression. I ended up quitting the fitness center to end up sitting around my Mom's house and doing very little but sleeping and slowly regaining the 50 or so pounds I worked hard to lose. Being penniless and tired of the same thing everyday, I borrowed about $10 from my Grandmother. I put gas in my truck and headed to the bar where a couple of friends I knew band was playing. This started my "wild phase". Having had my Grandfather die (the best friend I ever had), the great depression that I was affected with, and my sheer enjoyment of being in company with "friendly" females, I all but renounced Christ. I started hang with and eventually doing lights, sound, and bus driver for my friends' band. Needles to say Jack Daniel's became a pretty good acquaintance of mine. I was really enjoying life, having fun, making money and just having a good time. The bands' manager also owned an oil changing place and gave me a decent job. I thought I had it all, until I decided to go back to school. After being promised that the oil changing place would work around my school schedule, I signed up for classes at LLCC. It only took about a month for me to get laid off/fired do to me not being able to work the hours I was signed up for. I continued going to school knowing that is what I really wanted. It was at the end of my fall semester I decided to move up here to Springfield. It wasn't long until my friend Ryan, who I met about 8 months earlier, drug me to church. Something began to stir inside of me. It was like a fire that had all but died overnight due to not being tended to. It still has fiery coals, but it needed to be stired and new fuel added. It kind of happened that way. Enjoying hanging out with Ryan when we went to church kept me going back. I was re-acquainted with the Lord. The foundation that was formed many years ago was dusted off, ready for a house to be built upon it. I continued to go to church and I let that house be built, and what a house that was built. It was a grand house. Plenty of room, many empty rooms, luscious interior, voided of warmth and empty. True, the Lord had his own room. But the house still felt like something was missing. Not quite sure what it was, I started going to CSF. This was a totally new experience for me, however it didn't take long for the empty rooms in my house to be quickly filled. I soon realized that a house or other building is just that a building. However, it is the people who inhabit the building that makes it a home. So I say to you, all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, who make up my home, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL! Now you know why I quote:

Look at me, here I am,
Right where I belong.

Finally

Well it has happened. Not the way I wanted it to, but it happened. What? You inquire what I am rambling on about? What is it that has happened? What has occurred to warrant this text to be formulated into words then translated into html (or some other markup language) and placed upon the world wide web? Well, I HAVE CREATED A BLOG!!! Yeah , big deal so hasn't 9.13 x 10^76 other people. What has caused me to create a blog? Well, for once in my life I wanted to do something for the sake of popularity, not because it needed to be done or I was told to do.
Well with that being said, let's start with an explanation of the name "A Marshmallow's Goo". Back in College part one (this is the nomenclature I give to my 2 and 1/3 years at SIU-E) I was a peer assistant. Sorta like an unpaid RA and sorta like an automatic friend, someone new students could talk about the daily struggles of college with and such. Well it wasn't long until the wing of the residence Hall I resided on bestowed the nick name "Marshmallow" upon me. No, it wasn't the fact that I resembled a short "Stay-puff Marshmallow Man" or because I was bulky like I am now (I was actually about 30-40lbs. lighter). It was as the girl who gave me the name put it -- Your sweet, soft(hearted) and resilient, kinda like a marshmallow; you make people feel all warm and toasty inside when they talk to you, sorta like a toasted marshmallow.
So that explains the nickname "Marshmallow", however, what about the goo? Well, what's inside a marshmallow? "Marshmallow gooeyness." Except one thing, this "gooeyness" refers to my thoughts, dreams, aspirations and such, not the inside of the sugary confection.
Well, there you have it, the first of what I hope is many more blog entries to come. They won't all be this lighthearted, some will be more, some will be considerably less. It all depends on what's inside a Marshmallow's head.